I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
