He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
