I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
