I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
