A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
