Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
