Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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