I didn't shave. On purpose
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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