just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
