Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
