I hope mine doesn't look like that
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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