I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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