yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
