I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
