White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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