My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
