He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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