Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
