I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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