the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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