We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
