Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
