It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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