I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
