There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
