The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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