Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
