It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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