can we get nightvision for the apartment?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
