I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize