im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
