We're like a lot better than the average bears
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
