You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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