we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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