Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
