He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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