tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize