my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
