Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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