there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
