actually, I'm a sock model
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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