when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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