I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
