They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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