none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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