dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
