break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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