i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
