other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
