all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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