it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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