I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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