then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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