No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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