8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're making bets on your personal life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
