I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
