Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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