I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
