I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
