So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
