I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
