My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
