what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
