Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
