I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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